Today You Quit Your Job A letter to my future self.
Dear Future Mama Mal,
I’m writing this because when you look back on this day, I want you to remember it.
I want you to remember today and the many days that preceded it.
When the time comes for you to question the decision you made, I am hoping that this will give you a clear cut why and alleviate all of your doubts and your what-ifs.
Because today is the day you quit your job.
Yes, you have quit jobs before.
But today, you quit your career.
That is a whole different ball game darling.
But you know that.
In fact, you spent days, weeks, months, years agonizing over the decision.
From the second you saw the word pregnant pop up on that little screen, part of you knew this was how it might turn out.
But you still went all in. That is something I really hope you take from this.
I hope that you give yourself a little grace in the days to come and remember, you didn’t just try, you DID.
Knowing that in the end, the time you put in and the position you worked so hard to build might one day no longer be something you could call your own, you still gave it 110%.
You worked through two pregnancies, came back from two maternity leaves, wiped away tears as you kissed two perfect little babies goodbye on those days that the leaves ended.
Yes, you did it, and even though it damn near killed you, that is something that no one can ever take from you.
But in the end, exhaustion, anxiety, and fear started to overtake your days.
You were trying to fit 32 hours into a 24 hour day and my dear, a square peg just doesn’t fit into a round hole.
You began to feel like your identity was tied to being a full-time working mama of two beautiful babies under two.
Like you couldn’t possibly “give up” because “heck no! you aren’t a quitter!!”
And this is where I want this letter to really come in.
You aren’t a quitter. You are a decision maker.
Just a person whose circumstances changed (in the most beautiful way) and you needed to make the decision to change with them.
Deciding that, while giving 110% of yourself to a career that you love is a wonderful thing, giving -10% to yourself and your family was not a viable option.
Being too tired and stressed to hold and enjoy your babies at the end of the day was not the path designed for you.
Resenting the work you were so proud of because it stole time from your family was not how you wanted life to progress.
So you decided to make the only decision that you could.
Now is the time to give 110% of yourself to your family.
And there are days where it is going to be hard, but you know that.
I can’t promise you that everything will be perfect.
But you know that.
You will have days, when the babies won’t stop screaming, the housework seems impossible to get through, the house cleaners number is on speed dial and there is no office to run to.
Adult conversations will be longed for and just once you will want to straighten your damn hair and put on some lipstick.
You will feel sticky and tired and like your identity is lost.
Maybe part of you will regret not having that second income and the comfort it provided.
You may resent the budget you will painstakingly try to stick to and the new camera that you can no longer afford.
But I can promise you this, you will be there.
You will be there for everything.
The first steps and words.
The storytimes and bubble baths.
You will issue timeouts and wipe away tears.
Teach numbers and colors and how to spell their names.
You will have each and every moment you can with the perfect little people that you have been blessed with and the man who made them yours.
And when the hard days come, those tiny little hands will hold yours, or you will get a toothy grin, a sloppy kiss or an “I love you” and truly nothing else in the entire world will matter.
But then again, you know that.
After all, today is the day I quit my job.